I have learned so much and still have so much to learn. 

31 random things I now know.

1. In elementary school in Utah I found out that you cannot take 10 younger kids into a dark bathroom and teach them about Bloody Mary, I guess I agree...
2. Chasing boys and punching them on the playground totally worked, I used that technique as an adult too but it was not quite as fruitful.
3. Befriend the other person in class who is making a fool of themselves, you will probably be lifelong friends and share a love of My So Called Life.
4. You should also try wearing boxers with leggings and see who tells you it looks good, they're a keeper.
5. Learn how to hold your own hair, if you have to throw up you can at least not have everyone know about it.
6. Date lots of different types of people, I went from a boy who wore eyeliner to a jock to a mean nerd. I mean that is how you learn what you want for the rest of your life.
7. Start working out and being active young. I tried swim and volleyball in high school but none of those stuck I wish I had been more sporty while in school.
8. Good food is worth the money.
9. I am not a nostalgic person, but that is starting to change when it comes to my baby.
10. If you haven't opened that drawer in over a year just throw it all away [unless you can donate it]. You probably don't need it.
11. Don't be a snoop, it is really really hard though.
12. I was voted 'Most Opinionated' in high school, I am pretty proud of it even though someone went to all the posters and wrote 'Bitch' instead... I feel like I might have been a little bit abrasive in high school haha but if I did it again I would probably do it the same but just tone it down a little bit.
13. Be of service, I loved being a peer counselor when I was in school and now I love helping out women with their breastfeeding journey. We also clean out our closets regularly to donate, but I really would like us to start doing more.
14. Travel, I wish I had done it more when I was younger and I plan on doing it more now.
15. Messy bed, messy head.
16. Don't leave your windows cracked or your purse in your car... after 4 break ins I think I have learned my lesson.
17. I used to hate being by myself, if I didn't have anything to do I would get super anxious and text everyone and try to make plans. As an adult I have become so much more comfortable with myself and enjoying some me time.
18. Reciprocity is important.
19. If you ever write poetry while in high school don't let your college boyfriend read it because he will steal it and keep it forever {no idea where Ryan keeps it now}
20. Don't tell dirty jokes in the computer lab in 4th grade, teachers don't like that.
21. Thankfully I never had any issues with credit cards and things like that but I did learn to pay attention to my money and still have to keep a check register and write down everything we spend to feel like I am in the know.
22. A good credit score is an awesome thing to have.
23. In school I am so glad I took photo, metal shop, home economics, and peer counseling. Those classes taught me so much.
24. Having a child has really helped me to slow down, even though we do a lot it has been nice to slow down.
25. Be there. I have learned to make an effort to let people know I am here, and I remember things. I love when people do it for me.
26. Watching Bridesmaids I always cry haha Helen strikes a cord with me, I don't know what I learned from that.
27. I have had many friends come and go, mostly women. What I have learned from that is if you have a problem to talk it out with that person. Telephone isn't cute and I am feeling so proud of my group of ladies.
28. "This is not for kids" is a good way to get your parents to make your sisters leave you alone :) I have grown out of that though and my sisters are my best friends. I understand the sibling hype, I have great ones.
29. My favorite advice to give to engaged friends is when you get upset to have a snack and maybe take a nap then remember that you get to wake up next to your best friend everyday.
30. Turning 30 wasn't as life changing as I thought it would be and tonight my mom reminded me that each year is just going to get better. I am looking forward to it.
31. Being comfortable in your own skin is the only way to be happy, so thankful for my family and friends who have helped me become who I am today. I have a lot more growing to do but I feel so very lucky for the years that I have lived.

xoxo

Thanks for the birthday love
you all rock
Nikol

Yesterday I decided to stop pumping breast milk at work, I have been thinking about this a lot and I just decided it was time. Pumping has been such a huge part of my life since I went back to work last November, I did it every two hours every day to make sure I had enough to save for her for day care and on good days have enough to get my freezer stash up. Well as Claire got older my supply has been dwindling. I used to produce 20 ounces in a shift, then that dropped to 12, then 8 and lately I have been lucky to get 4. The amount of work it takes to bring the pump everywhere and make sure the milk is at the right temp and all that just didn't seem worth it anymore. I have a lot frozen still that I will send with her when she is sick, the immune system boost it gives her is amazing and then I will also have some saved for evenings when someone else is going to put her to bed so that she gets her bottle. I don't know how long that will last but since I still plan on pumping when I am at home I think we should be good for a little while longer.

This morning as I packed up everything for work I didn't grab the pump, the two bottles, the flanges and the sani wipes and instead of feeling great because I have less stuff to drag around I felt sad, I felt guilty. I always said I would continue this as long as it was mutually beneficial and I am I didn't make a one sides decision. Claire is 15 months now and eating full meals but she still loves to nurse, she does it for comfort and cuddles. She enjoys it at bedtime and early in the morning. I love it too. I hope this does  not negatively affect our nursing relationship, I would be oh so sad. The amount of attachment I had to my pump is mind boggling. I always knew I was carrying it around, packing it for trips, finding electrical outlets whereever I could but I thought when I packed it up I would feel happy. I posted about my feelings on the breast feeding support group that I am a part of and was so touched by this response, "Nikol, you've been such an inspiration to so many pumping mamas, and to this non-pumping mama. Claire is lucky to have such a dedicated mama. These transitions can be such a mind f*k. Embrace all the amazing love that flowed through that machine and know another spectacular phase is upon you." Thank you so much Maricela you have no idea how much I needed to hear that.


If you ever need any help or have any questions about your breast pump journey I would love to be helpful
xo
Nikol

Our little bundle is now 15 months old [I think I will stop counting in months pretty soon] and we had a big months. Lots of changes and the best one has been her sleep schedule! We had a pretty big bump in the road after her double ear infection and her two new teeth but we got past it with lots of nursing and by working on her nap and daily routine. She now happily goes to bed at 7:30pm and wakes up to nurse around 5am then back to bed until about 6am, so much better than her waking up every 3 hours and up for the day at 5am. The extra sleep has been so great for my energy at home, with workouts and at work. It was hard to show up bright eyed with no sleep but Ryan has been the most helpful so, thank you babe, you are the best!

We had another health scare, at her 15 month checkup they did a lead test and her finger prick showed that she had such high levels that it could have led to lead poisoning which was terrifying. After a full blood test [which did not help Claire with her fear of the doctors] and three nerve racking days we found out the first test was a false positive. I had already started researching new paint and checking all the playgrounds for paint chips... So glad everything was fine but just a reminder about how precious our health is. 

Hope this past month was a good one for you, get some sleep and hug your loved ones
xo
Nikol

Dear Claire,
Oh my love, you have grown so much this past month. We traveled, learned new words and even went to Disneyland to celebrate you! Thank you for being so kind and sweet to us and to all your friends. I can see you becoming a little bit more shy than before and I promise I will not try to push you, I want you to be outgoing and love to interact with everyone but I understand if right now you prefer to be held by mom or dad. Just know that we are always there for you and if you get nervous you can reach out for us. Thank you for saying, "I love you" and "uh-oh" so often, we cannot get enough of your little voice. Lately you just talk and talk all day, it has been fun to interact with you and I am excited for the day when we can all understand each other :) 
We love you, little nugget, happy 15 months
xoxo
momma

oldest to newest videos

This picture was when I got home to my baby girl after my first day back to work <3

One year ago, I went back to work. It was a struggle emotionally to decide what was best for the three of us but I know we made the right choice. I love my job, I love being a mom and for us it didn't have to be mutually exclusive. Not to toot my own horn but I think I am a damn good mom, I am also great at my job outside of the home and no amount of mommy guilt is going to make me regret my choice. It gets tiresome to read about how moms argue with each other or have these online 'mommy wars' about what is harder being a stay at home mom or a mom who also works outside of the home but they are bound to happen and I totally can get wrapped into them. I have many friends on both sides and believe me the emotions can get raw. My girlfriend Andi wrote a blog about this same type of thing for her stay at home mom friends who might not feel that what they do is important. Her blog, Your Job is Important, left me feeling all sorts of things and I had to step back and just think about it. I did not want my knee-jerk reaction to be what I left on her blog or on any of the many other posts I have seen on this same kind of topic. So instead I decided to write the letter I wish someone had sent to me because every mom needs encouragement.

Your Job is Important.

Hey you over there, when you get out of that meeting I hope you know that your children are ok, I could tell you were thinking about them. They are so loved by so many people. When you get home and you need to do all that housework that you made lists about after you were done taking care of payroll, I hope you know that it is ok to let it wait. Let it wait so that you can roll around in the toys that didn't get put away this morning while you ran around your house trying to get ready for work. I know these days can get repetitive and feel oh so long, but you are doing amazing things. This morning when you spilled hot coffee on yourself while you tried to get your purse and diaper bag ready to go, I know you wanted to scream but instead you made a funny face at your child so they would't be upset too [on the mornings that you do scream know that we all forgive you]. Maybe no one has told you before but what you are doing takes strength and you don't need to feel bad. I am proud of you, I am proud that you are doing what you need to do to keep all the balls in the air and I hope that you have someone who helps you catch them when they fall or just listens when you are tired of it. I also see you on those days when you just kick ass at work, you are all in. You are good at your job and you know it. I hope that your child grows up and finds a job they are good at and that they know they can have it all in whatever form that means for them. You are a good mom, what you do matters. I know working outside of the home is hard, I know working from home is hard and I know just being a mom is hard. #ISupportYou.

Link love:

Means Always Having to say You're Sorry

Motherhood is not Martyrdom

13 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Working Mother