22 weeks is here! I haven't really been counting to any particular week but 22 came with a bang. Traded in the Fiat 500 Sport for a Mazda CX 5, started having new back problems that only Dr. Bob can fix, and nesting has begun. When I read about nesting before actually being pregnant I brushed it off as no big deal because I already like to clean, make lists and organize - I was wrong - this is a huge deal. I feel like I might be going a little crazy, these lists are insane and they don't actually get done because after my day at work stressing over them I am too tired once I get home. OR I stay up late cross a few off the list and then am too tired for boot camp in the morning. I need a win. Thankfully after reaching out I now know this is nesting, I am not crazy or becoming ocd like Ryan let slip the other day :) This is a natural part of this time in my life and after having a meltdown I think I am ready to just be ok with it. Fine if I miss a few boot camps at least all the cleaning I am doing while carrying my baby around can count as cardio.

I have a midwife appointment on Friday, my last one was rescheduled due to a labor and as much as I wanted to hear Claire's heartbeat I had to be understanding because sometime in the next few months that will be me. So looking forward to finally checking out the birthing center and getting to not only feel her but hear her.

On the belly front, we have new cravings - Greek salad and bbq trip tip have literally been on my mind for weeks but I only want it from Stonefire so I am waiting patiently for Easter so that we can go with my parents. Sweets are now something that I cannot stop thinking about, the devils food cake I made on Monday has almost been demolished and I think I might just have to get Golden Spoon once I  get off work tonight.

Hi baby Claire, 
You are getting so big! You are the size of a spaghetti squash and it has been such a pleasure to be able to call you by your name. Everything feels so much more real now and also feels like every moment is flying by. I cannot wait to meet you but I also feel nervous. I hope that when you arrive you are a happy and healthy baby girl. That you know how much we love you and that if we don't know exactly what you need right away it is just because we are new at this too.
I bought you your first girly purchase, I worry you will be cuter than I know what to do with. I never have been much of a girly girl but these flower headbands had to be ours! I hope you love them, I was wondering if you are growing hair in there? My mom had to glue bows on my head when I was a baby, we'll see if that runs in the family.
Hope you have a nice week and keep on growing, I get to hear your heartbeat tomorrow
xo
your mommy

ps: I am happy that many of my friends are so supportive of each other ♥ I hope my daughter and all of the babies of 2013 are born when equality is more important than politics. I hope that they can all love whoever they choose to love and be able to get married and have what Ryan & I are lucky enough to share.

I love being on a team that is on the same page and supports each other. I have a husband I can lean on and laugh with and I am so thankful for the life we are living and the life we have created.

This weekend we upgraded our car to make more room for baby and as stressful as car shopping can be it was a relief to know that we had each others backs and were going to enjoy every second.

love you Ryan

Quite a bit actually :)

Claire is carrot lengthed right now and I think that has something to do with all her of her stretching and kicking. I'm sure she is feeling a little bit squished but my belly keeps on growing to accommodate her growing body. Since Saturday we have been able to call her by her full name, Claire Olive ZumMallen, and it makes everything so much more real. The cute girl clothes don't hurt much either!

Since then we have also been in search of a new car, my baby Fiat has been a dream but it just is not going to fit all of us. This weekend we plan on going on a hard hunt and also finding some Stone Fire Grill along the way because I cannot get their Greek salad out of my head, mmmm. 

This weekend is panning out to be another busy one for us and for now I like it that way, I am sure we will need to slow down a lot soon so I might as well soak in as many girl dates as I can. Ryan will be helping his dad move and I plan on eating my new baby weight in sushi and also do wedding crafts with a girlfriend. I think it will be a good mix of fun and relaxation. 

Claire's room is slowly coming together, Ryan has built the crib and the dresser. Generous friends gave us their glider, which I love and we received many gifts that we cannot wait to hang on the walls and hang up in the closet. Speaking of the closet, nursery organization is now pretty much all that I can think about, Ryan is not as excited about this as I am but that's only because hearing me go on and on about little boxes to put inside of dresser drawers can't be too thrilling at midnight on a Thursday.

Hope you all  have a great weekend, thank you for being a part of this fun time!

Hi Claire Olive!
You are 21 weeks and growing by the minute, you have blessed us with so many kicks that I have lost count. You even kicked really hard yesterday morning when daddy put his hand on you and said "Good morning Claire, I'm going to work have a nice day". Thank you for that, I know it meant a lot to him. You are already a sweet girl who we adore and cannot wait to see what you look like in person. Right now I'm blending my characteristics with your dads and I really cannot pinpoint how I think you will turn out. Right now you have two different showers being planned for you - one by my mom and my sisters and one by my bestest girlfriends, can you believe it!?! People all around us love you and are so excited for you, sometimes it takes my breath away to think about what a great little world you will be born into. Your dad and I are so thankful for our loving family and friends, but even more thankful for you.
Hope you keep growing and kicking
xo
mommy

The only way to avoid completely freaking out was to not think about the cupcakes.

Dozens of them covered the dining room table and taunted me with their delicious
insides that held the secret that I had been waiting to learn for four months. Dixon
Ayrton or Claire Olive? Were we having a boy or a girl? I woke up with an energy
high more than eight hours before I was going to find out.

So I acted like they didn’t exist. With more than thirty friends and family in
attendance, the small gathering for our Gender Reveal Party had grown into a major
logistical event that had to be moved from our apartment to our gracious host
location at the Castillo residence (special thanks to soon-to-be grandparents
Ellis and Gabriela for bringing 30 chairs, setting up, taking down and just being the best).
People logged onto Skype and got stuck in mad traffic and flew in from out of town to attend, 
which was a bit overwhelming when I considered that me and Nikol could have just had the doctor tell us the gender, in private, a few days earlier and then Tweeted it out or whatever. This way was more fun, though.

A Gender Reveal Party is kind of a silly thing. It has probably been born out of the
Pinterest generation, invented by Etsy crafters and photographers looking for
business during the wedding offseason. It’s amazing and I highly recommend it to
any expecting parents – especially if you use decorations from Brittany at Eat.Plan.Love Events
 – but in the grand scheme of our own personal first child experience, whether we
were welcoming Dixon or Claire really didn’t even register.

Every guest wrote down their prediction for either a boy or a girl, but the only
person who hit the nail on the head was 2-year old Sophia, who said, “Umm… it’s
going to be a baby.” The perfect answer. What would the gender matter, as long as
our child turned out to be, in fact, a baby? She’s a tiny Socrates, that one.

So then why did holding that cupcake in my palm feel like the most important
thing in the world? I had been putting it out of my mind all day, but as I wrapped
up a quick speech and looked at Nikol and the cupcake and peeled off the foil, an
unspeakable magnitude of the moment smacked me in the head and I literally
almost lost my breath. Nikol and I somehow regained our composure and each took
a bite to find a yellow candy filling inside. Tears followed.

I genuinely don’t think that Nikol or I had any preference about the gender. I did,
however, call that our first child would be a girl when we first dared to discuss the
subject more than five years ago. So I think we may have gotten used to the idea of
raising a girl, since I was so adamant. In that sense there is probably some relief that
the child we have been picturing together for so long was right on the money.

Whatever it was, we needed a second to break down in public before we could
fully process the news. Holding Nikol in that moment was another one of the most
beautiful feelings I’ve had in my entire life – though that’s a list that I’m sure will
change drastically in the next year, and after a split-second of crying she seemed
more interested in getting the frosting off her fingers. I can’t blame her. Erica once
again came through with the most delicious and perfect cupcakes when we asked.
I’m eating one right now and my laptop keys are all sticky. Erica rocks, thank you Two Sweet Cupcakes!

My parents rock, too, and they both had tricks up their sleeve. My dad and his green (boy) t-
shirt left the party after the announcement and he re-emerged in a yellow (girl)
one, which cracked me up. My sister, my mom and her husband Todd literally blew
Nikol’s mind when they gave us a dish hand-painted with Claire’s initials. Funny and
caring moments like that were littered throughout the day and brought everything
together.

Does it feel different knowing that you’re having a girl?

Definitely yes. That’s as far as I can go, because I can’t explain what I’m feeling that’s
different or why it is so. It just is. I don’t expect to have it figured out anytime soon,
but the answer is yes, it feels very different knowing that Claire is going to be joining
us soon. The desire to raise a bright and inquisitive girl into a strong and confident
woman is there, practically all the time since Saturday, and I guess that’s probably a
different feeling than the one I would be having if we were having a boy. Maybe not?
I don’t know.

But that is a different topic for another blog entry. For now we have the knowledge
that Claire Olive ZumMallen is on the way, and the warmth of a support network
that we’re reminded is larger and more amazing than I ever could have imagined.
Claire will be welcomed into her home with Dad and Mom, and two lady pets, and a
steady stream of aunts and no uncles. If I were a paranoid man, I would worry about
estrogen overload. But that’s not what matters. What matters is that she’s a baby.

Have you ever had picadillo? Picadillo is a flavorful Cuban dish made with ground beef and a sauce made from simmering tomatoes, green olives, bell peppers, cumin, and spices. My first time was at Erica's engagement party where she and her mother-in-law, Tina, made huge batches of it. I could not have enough, I love ground beef, olives and saucy food. This was perfect for me! If you are in the mood for something salty and full of flavor I recommend taking the 15 minutes to prep this dish because you end up with about 8 servings that everyone will love. It's inexpensive, freezer friendly and gluten-free.

Ingredients

• 2 pounds lean ground beef
• 1 cup minced onion
• 1 cup diced red bell peppers [I used green]
• 1 cup red wine
• 1/4 cup minced cilantro [I used parsley since I had it on hand]
• 1 small tomato, diced
• 8 oz can tomato sauce
• 1/4 cup green olives
• 1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tbs ground italian seasoning
• kosher salt and fresh pepper, to taste

Directions: 

Brown meat in a large deep skillet on medium-high heat; season with generously with salt and a little pepper. Use a wooden spoon to break the meat up into small pieces. When meat is no longer pink, drain all the liquid from pan. Add the onions, garlic and bell peppers to the meat and cook an addition 3-4 minutes.

Transfer the meat to the slow cooker, then add tomato, parsley, tomato sauce, 1 1/4 cups water,  olives [I added some of the brine from the jar for added flavor] then add the spices.

Set slow cooker to HIGH for 3 to 4 hours or LOW for 6 to 8. After it's ready, taste for salt and add more as needed [I added a little more pepper and parsley at the end because the crock pot tends to mute the flavors of herbs and spices]. 

You can then use this in tacos if you would like but my favorite way is on top of rice. I made 2 cups of brown rice during the last hour the picadillo was in the crock pot. If you are an olive lover like me right before eating mine I add about 6 more olives, I really cannot have enough. Hope you and your loved ones enjoy this simple but tasty dish!

Eat.Plan.Love Events made us our name banners as a gift and here is a snap shot if you want to play along and try to guess our baby names.
xoxo

I think Baby Z wants us to know the gender just as much as we do, the closer we get to the party the more kicks I feel!  I have been feeling maybe 1 a night while in the tub, but yesterday I was lucky enough to feel a few at work and then once I got home the baby went crazy! Kicking/punching all over the place. Ryan cannot feel them yet and I know he feels a little left out but soon enough I am sure he will be able to and we can enjoy them  together.

Tonight we have a midwife appointment to hear the heartbeat and just catch up. I am really excited because it will be out 1st visit at the birth center! I will get to see the rooms and the tubs that I will get to use while birthing our child and amped is an understatement. I have taken many a virtual tour of their location in Laguna Nigel but this one is right here in LB on Wardlow & Cherry.

Happy Friday! The party is only 26.5 hours away
<3

This whole fruit concept gets a little wonkie here, last week we had a mango on our hands and now a banana! I guess it also depends what site you are using. Either way we love this little banana.
He/she [LAST BLOG THAT I DON'T KNOW THE GENDER YAYAYA] is starting to move around a lot, I only know this because my belly changes shape on the reg. It is pretty funny. Lately I have been feeling like we are having a girl but since my belly changed so drastically customers and friends are starting to say that it looks like I am carrying a boy and I guess that I am easily swayed.
Only one person knows the baby gender right now and that's Erica from Two Sweet Cupcakes! She will be baking our reveal cuppies and I am amped, I gave her the envelope yesterday and so far I miss it ahah I know that its just a post it in there but it has everything I want to know on it. I cannot wait to bite in and find either a yellow white chocolate center or a green white chocolate center.

My body is slowly making more room for baby, this belly is getting heavy and my legs are tired. Otherwise my body seems to be agreeing with pregnancy, haven't had any headaches in a bit and the nightly baths are really helping my feet, my legs and my back. I have to thank Brittany for getting me started on the Peaceful Mama tea and the bath time, I love it and want to take one right now.
I am at 20 weeks & that puts me half way through the pregnancy, I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday that I took the test but it also feels like we have lived a lifetime in these past 20 weeks. 
In the photo below I would like to just point out that little ball on my belly is not my belly button haha but my belly button ring. It has not popped out yet and I guess we will just have to wait and see if that will happen. 
We are so looking forward to this weekend, we cannot wait to share an afternoon with family and friends and celebrate Baby Z. Thanks for reading, have a fun week.

Hi banana baby!
How have you been feeling? You seem to be right on track growth wise and I couldn't be more proud of your little strong body. It is crazy to think about how your dad and I created you and here you are making a little home in my belly. I wish I could reach out to you but I guess I will have to just get enough cuddling when you arrive. In a few days I think you will be hearing a lot of new voices, feeling a lot of new hands through my belly and being photographed more than you can even imagine. I hope you are as excited as I am. There will be a few other babies-in-bellies there too, I will introduce you and I think you will all make fast friends. I have been listening to this song for the last few days and I think you will like it Lullaby <3
Love you
Mommy

To my beloved niecephew,

In one week, your mom and dad will be having a party announcing your gender to the world, and I guess that means you'll stop being my niecephew and start being my niece or nephew.  At least until you're old enough for us to have a conversation with the words "cisgender" and "genderqueer" involved.

Little CZ or DZ, your mom and dad have been writing you letters since that first blobby ultrasound and I thought, just before we find out what sort of equipment you're packing, I might try my hand at the same.

As one ZumMallen to another, I want to talk to you about your last name.

Here are the downsides to that name:

• There are none

Sometimes (most of the time) people are going to say things to you like "Wow, that's really hard to spell, isn't it?" and "Don't you hate having to spell it out for people all the time?" and "Isn't it annoying to be at the end of the alphabet?

1. Your last name will actually be super easy for YOU to spell because you'll do it all the time, thus singling yourself out as one of the best spellers in your age group pretty early on.
2. Spelling out your last name every single time you meet someone new means you are unique and special and - trust me - unforgettable.  You also get to start sentences with cool phrases like "Z as in Zebra."
3. Your whole life, you'll know that anytime someone starts to call out names alphabetically, you don't have to pay attention at least until they get to the T's.

• Plus, you can skip all that mess by saying "Just look in the back, that last one's me" and it will work every. single. time.

Here is the most magical thing about your last name:

• The Z-Force

Your great- and great-great aunts came up with this and we all like to think it's pretty accurate.  When this side of the family gets together, the crowd is smaller than it seems, louder than should be possible, and filled with so much laughter it feels like whatever small space is trying to hold everyone is about to explode.

The Z-Force doesn't mean you don't get scared or that you don't doubt yourself.  It's that little piece of you that tells all those bad thoughts to sit down, shut up, and let you have a great time.

It means being mouthy and occasionally fearless and sometimes regretting what you've said or done.

It means being brave enough to admit that regret, to accept responsibility and apologize.

There are things that I wish for you, that have nothing to do with your name or a silly made up word, things that I think everyone wants for a new little person entering their family, things that a lot of people don't get or can't find.

I hope you don't know what fear is until you're old enough to write your own ghost stories.

I hope you know that bravery is not the absence of fear, but the ability to do what's right despite being scared.

I hope you learn how to properly use your middle finger (Grandma Dean can teach you).

I hope you know that choosing not to swear is a courtesy, not a weakness.

I hope you know that swearing can be appropriate, because some statements require audible exclamation points.

I hope shame is something dealt by strangers and healed by family.

I hope you never feel alone, even when no one else is around.

I hope you never hesitate to try something new, something old, something weird, something "un-cool."

I hope you never learn what "boy things" or "girl things" are and just do "you things."

I hope you know how loved you are and how cherished when all we know about you is that you exist somewhere we can't yet reach.

I hope you know your parents and your aunts and your grandparents think the pictures of you so far are adorable and gorgeous, your little toes and your tiny nose, and can't wait to meet you.

I hope you know that while I can't read an ultrasound and so far as I know you might actually BE a toe or a nose or an eldritch horror from the center of the earth, I think you're gorgeous anyway.

I hope you know that bad hair days and old clothes and braces and zits will fade but the people who tease you for it will probably always be jerks.

I hope you learn that you can't control what the people around you do or say, but you CAN control how you react to them.

I hope you know that when you do get scared, when you do feel lonely, when you're ready to learn, when you want to talk, when you need a safe place to be, that you know exactly how many options you have and that you will always HAVE those options.

Little niecephew, we don't know you but we're excited to meet you and learn who you are and who you'll be, which I'm sure is a lesson you'll be teaching the rest of us quickly, loudly, and changing a little bit each day.

May the Z-force be with you.

(and may you still find that funny in 20 years)

Love always,
Aunt Li

1. Having the friends that I have, last night we had dinner at the Castillo's. I watched Sofia flirt with Ryan, Diego try and teach Ryan how to be better on the wii and Teresa&Alvaro have a life with two children that includes good food and friends. All the friends I have now are reflections of who I am and where I want to go.

2. Lazy mornings. I hear these will become a thing of the past and I think I'll be ok with that. But for now waking up at 10am, my husband making me polenta, eggs and bacon while  I watch a movie on my laptop and my husband works and watches basketball sounds pretty perfect.

3. My husband. I feel like I have written these reasons over and over again but he deserves it. For being so loving, so funny, and such a wonderful man. I couldn't ask for anything more and when I do I hope he knows its mostly because I am feeling tired and needy, not because I don't appreciate him.

4. My body. Sure, it's a little different right now but I have let go of the weight worry and am enjoying these new curves. I like that my belly sticks out and sometimes sinks back in. I like that my feet hurt from carrying me around while I work hard even though Ryan wants me to take a rest. My body is working very hard for me right now and I need to appreciate it.

5. My pets. Winnie has started to get very excited when she hears my doors lock when I get home from work and it is so cute. Brie still is the smallest most adorable hamster and they both make our home, ours.

6. My tub. Nightly my tub has been giving me comfort, I deep cleaned it last night to say thank you.

7. My family. even though we are all spread out I can call any one of them if I just want to say hello, if I need an ear and I hope they know they can do the same with me. My baby will come into a family of love and thats just my side, Ryan has lots of family too that will be loving on this baby, I think we are all  going to be alright.