We arrived and while fully dilated and having surges every two minutes or so I had to deal with them in the waiting area while the nurses chatted about their weekend and their lunches. I might not be fully versed in what their job includes but somewhere in their customer service must be mentioned, if it is they were not feeling it. BJ and my husband continued to massage my back, fan me off and try to keep me calm. At this point I was still in a "good" mood, Ryan was being bad cop trying to get me into a room sooner than later and I was trying to make sure he didn't cause a scene. I know he just couldn't handle me in pain and being ignored and I appreciate him having my back.
Eventually I was led to my room, that part is a blur I'm not sure how I arrived there - did I walk? was I rolled? piggy back? unsure but I got there and I was with BJ and Ryan while everyone else waited in the waiting area. [once my mom arrived she joined us in my room]
This is when stuff got uncomfortable and now that I have distanced myself from it I can laugh. I am sure that not everyone has awful hospital visits and maybe this is all normal but since this environment was not where I was hoping to be maybe I was more sensitive. Here is a list of the ridiculous things that occurred:
*The nurse who put in my IV when I arrived in my room, turned around and then tripped over it ripping it out of my hand.
*Once she put it back in again, when the doctor came in she asked who put in this IV so badly, took it out and put it in again, my poor hand.
*Every doctor who came in the room, 6 of them, wanted to chat about why I had decided to go with Beach Cities Midwifery instead of a hospital instead of dealing with my labor, usually I LOVE to chat about my reasons... not at that time.
*They started to monitor the babies heart rate and repeatedly ignored my midwife who let them know that when I was laying on my right side or on all fours that the baby responded the best. Instead we tried on my back and on my left before they finally listened to BJ - during this time my baby was not responding well.
*I was checked and they agreed that I was at 10 cm and Claire was now at station 3, I was elated. They told me a few pushes and I would have my baby in my arms. I kissed Ryan and got ready to push. After about 4 pushes and them seeing Claire's head come out and then go back up they decided that I should be prepped for the OR and continue to push there just in case. I agree and they then insert an internal heart rate monitor inside of me, they do not even give me a heads up, they put it in so roughly that it makes me swell AND we found out later that it cut the top of Claire's head about 4 times :(
*Epidural time, I had not really researched this very much but I had heard that I cannot move while they put it in, that it can lead to a spinal headache that could last for weeks, and it is a local anesthetic derived from cocaine. None of these sound like fun for me, but with this back pain that was caused my Claire's head pinching a nerve and the fact that I might have to get a csec I was in no place to argue I was ready to meet my child.
*The guy came in to put in my epidural, my husband and my mom had to leave but thankfully BJ was able to stay to coach me through this. With these huge surges I was not sure if I would be able to remain still during the procedure but she helped me breath through them and I was also able to talk shit to her about this guy with the big needle. He tried 4 or 5 diff times to get this into my back but because my spine was now misaligned due to her head he was having a tough time, after about 45 or so minutes he had to call in his boss to help him. This lady was rough and also took awhile, once she had it in she then said she wanted to give me an extra special shot to reward me for staying calm - I did not want an extra shot of meds that is the opposite of what I wanted.
*This is when the room blew up, about 10 doctors and nurses ran into my room - they literally ran past my husband and my mom screaming code red. During the epidural they had not been checking on my babies heart rate as much as they should have she had gone down to 60. This is when I hit my breaking point. The doctors all were arguing and yelling at me about what positions I should get into and because I was totally drugged getting on all fours and getting on my right at the same time was even more impossible than it would usually be. They continued to yell at each other and I just cried. I lost it. This is when I yelled - has anyone here ever delivered a baby!? was this helpful? no it wasn't but I did not have any more calm breath left in me.
*They were able to get my baby into a more comfortable position and got her heart rate up enough to be able to transfer me to the OR, I sobbed the entire way to the room and once Ryan was able to join me again I regained my composure. I could tell Ryan needed me to be strong, it must be so difficult for to watch someone you love be in pain and not be able to help. BJ and Ryan were with me in the OR while they had me continue trying to push and that is when the only doctor I liked stepped up. She explained the situation to me, at this time I did not realize that Claire had been in my birth canal for days, she has been trying to come down for awhile now but her head got stuck and with every push her head was being pushed out and it had become swollen.
*She said she would give me 1 more hour of pushing time if I wanted it but that she knew that with this type of swelling and the stress on my baby that a csection was going to be the way we had to deliver my baby. I asked if everyone else could leave the room and that is when Ryan and I were able to connect, to breath and were able to accept this new plan. After the long week, I held Ryan while he told me how proud he was of me, how much he loved us and how sorry he was that we were here even though he know how much I had worked.
*We decided to just go ahead and do the surgery, an hour more of pushing could only hurt Claire and ll I wanted was for her to be happy and healthy.
*They set me up on the table and start to get ready, the place instruments on my stomach and right away I knew the epidural had not fully worked, I was able to feel the sharp end of the knife. I let the doctor know and she said what I was feeling was actually pressure but I was able to describe the knife and then they realized that I needed some more medicine because I could still move my legs and I was not numb enough for an incision.
*Here comes the epidural guy again, this guy. He started to hook up my IVs and started to walk away, this is when the tubing came out of the bag and started to spray whatever was in there all over my face!! I was high and tied down and started to say "I'm drowning" Ryan yelled, "dude!" and the guy finally turned around and tried to control it. He hooked it up again, walked away and guess what, just like in a movie the cord started to flail around again spraying everyone. This is when Ryan yelled at him again and the main doctor kicked out the epidural guy. What was wrong with him? I have no idea how this could happen, not once but twice! Really? haha its funny now but at the time I was really nervous of what was to come if so far this has been my experience.
*Surgery happened and I think I was out. I woke up to Ryan saying "Claire is here!" and then we heard her cry. It was beautiful. As fuzzy as this time was, as soon as Ryan walked her over to me I was in love. I was a mom. Everything had come full circle and my family of three was complete. I kissed her and kissed her, maybe too rough because I was still not fully awake but she knew how much I loved her. I can talk about this moment forever and I promise I will soon, I want to write her a letter about it.
*They wheeled me back to my recovery room and this is when my mom finally was allowed back, she took lots of pictures and went back to share them with the rest of the family. It was so nice to have her be such a huge part of Claire's birth she was really helpful.
*Breast feeding begins, my lactation consultant was amazing. I was not in control of most of my boddy and she did everything to make sure Claire got the colostrum that she needed. She was so patient. So helpful there are so many wonderful things to say about her. It was great.
*I told them I didn't need any more pain medication but they said that in about an hour I will and that it will be too late that they needed to get the meds started now. I do not recall what they gave me but I do know that a few hours later I had an allergic reaction to either that or the epidural. Allergist appointment needs to happen soon.
*Entire family joins us and pictures begin! I know what a long scary day it must have been for everyone, we are so thankful for all of our family for sticking it out with us, their prayers, and support. It was beautiful to see everyone meet Claire and I am happy Kate was able to capture that all.
*Wheeled off to the recovery room, so much stuff happened there but really all you need to know is that we were taken care of, I was taken off the IVs quickly, and was sent home as early as I was allowed. I am so happy to be home.
My family of three is so blessed and loved and even though my birth plan did not go as we had planned it included strength, love, patience, laughter, and a healthy baby girl. It was perfect.