Yesterday I dropped you off with Patsy and for the 1st time in 4 weeks I cried, I cried a lot actually. It was just that kind of morning. You were being so sweet and we had slept together while daddy was out of town, then we got up got ready and went to the gym just like many other mornings. But this time, I took you to daycare at 9am instead of 11am because I needed to take a short nap and get a few things done before we went away for the weekend and I felt really guilty about it. I want to be the best momma I can be for you and sometimes that means I will need a little nap, I tried to not beat myself up about it but it was hard. I hope you know that I love and miss you all the time.
You are at daycare with Patsy and I just started to think about you and all the things I want you to know when you grow up, you are only 18 weeks right now so this list will grow and change and you will teach me things that I also need to know. You have already done that a bunch of times.
- you are good enough. even with things get tough you are doing your best.
- you are loved. by so many. but especially by me and your dad, please do not forget it.
- i hope that you don't have any problem with saying, "no" i know that it might get old for us but in the long run i want you to be able to ask questions and decide for yourself.
- be someone others can count on, be on time, show up for your friends. it matters.
- take pride in your work, whatever you decide to do you should do it well.
- laugh. laugh as much as you can and when you get upset talk to someone who makes you happy. i know it is easy to get into a downward spiral but do what you can to see the silver lining. your dad is really good at this.
- make girlfriends, do not fall into "but guy friends are just less drama" category - as true as that might seem in high school once you get older having strong female friends will be much more beneficial. also, being able to sustain friendships with women will make you a better person.
I love you